To put my tongue-in-cheek post in context for someone who hasn't been at The Con, imagine a convention hall jam-packed to the gills with people all trying to get through a maze. Getting from point A to point B is a complex exercise in planning and navigation. Between the crowds, long lines, traffic, fire marshal restricted zones, security checks, one-way routes, fenced-off areas, and other obstacles, getting to see your favorite panels can be more than a little daunting. It's a very fine line between knowing where you're going and wandering aimlessly.
That being said, if you are going to Comic-Con, and want to announce your presence with authority (or really just piss everyone else off), here are my sure-fire, tried-and-true, fail-safe methods to accomplish your goal:
- Walk while texting. It's not your responsibility to look where you're going. That's just for the other 130,000 people.
- Sit in the aisle seat every time, especially if you have a ton of shit to block the aisle. Bonus points if you are a massive human being. Make those other suckers climb over you and your swag!
- Stop for photographs in the middle of a busy hallway. Make sure to take time and pose your subjects, shooting multiple pictures until you're certain you've obtained the money shot. Your photography is art!
- Use the only available men's toilet to pee when plenty of urinals are open. Extra credit for wetting the seat.
- Leave you cell phone ringer on during all panels. Karma boost for leaving it in the bottom of your bag on the loudest setting.
- Linger in doorways, preferably in groups, and remain oblivious to the hurried passers-by. Earn a gold star for wearing an unwieldy costume with sharp edges.
- Walk side by side, as slowly as you can, weaving a bit, if possible. Pretend you're ninety years old.
- Ignore posted signs. No one expects you to read, much less follow directions.
- When walking in a crowd (i.e., everywhere at Comic-Con and within a five-mile radius) stop and change directions midstream. Repeat.
- Ignore all attempts at hygiene. After all, you won't be the only one.
Stay classy, San Diego!